Say it out loud: iPad
I’ve spent 14 hours with it floating around in my head now, this revolutionary new thing with an unfamiliar official new name where before there existed a perfectly respectable hypothetical one. And I’ve made up my mind: Apple should be as embarrassed with their decision as I am for them.
See, the thing is, the name looks better than it sounds. Sitting in a room covered in notecards Sharpied in name ideas, it’s important to remember that you’re reading them more than hearing them. You read the name ‘iPad’ and it looks great. There’s an ‘i’, and an ‘a’ which always make for a pleasing combination. An uppercase ‘Pad’ is a strong word. Yes, it conjures the image of a Notepad or even a Home. But we don’t look at the words that embarrass us the most, we hear them. And over the next many years, we will be hearing the name ‘iPad’ way, way more than we will be reading it.
Sure, we live in a literate society, but consider the ratio of your hearing to reading the name ‘iPod’. Even just seeing it here, it looks kind of funny and unfamiliar, doesn’t it? But it doesn’t sound funny, it sounds iconic. ‘Pod’ was a word relatively lacking in prior connotation, 50s sci-fi aside. It never ever reminded us of lady parts. I doubt if anyone involved spent the time immersed in the name ‘iPad’ on a strictly auditory level. Sure, they must’ve focus grouped the hell out of it. But could they have foreseen the response?
The #2 top latest news item on cnn.com is “iPad name draws feminine hygiene jokes”. #2 on CNN. In fact, it was there I found out that people have been sending around a two-year-old MadTV sketch about (get this) an Apple-branded sanitary napkin called ‘iPad’. All I’d seen was people cracking wise and obvious all day on Twitter. Sure, I participated. What, am I made of steel?
But now, we’re stuck with it. Sure, we’ll have to move past it. Get the giggles out. But I’m afraid I’ll only ever love the device despite its embarrassing name. And that makes me love it a little less. Apple, you fucked up. But if the thing helps me be a better reader, we’re solid and I eagerly await the next one, which will probably be called something stupid.
