Emergency advice
A man just walked up to me on this street corner. He and his wife were waiting for the bus. She stood 15 feet away. ”My neighbor caught me flirting with a girl and told my wife. What should I tell her?” he asked as if we knew each other. I asked him to repeat. Wouldn’t you? He did, same words.
I looked over his shoulder and saw a woman about his age glaring at me. I looked at the man and registered the faintest bit of desperation, carefully disguised. I am not quick at putting these things together.
Then he asked me again, this time a little bit annoyed I hadn’t yet processed his question. And then it started to make sense - he was reaching out to me because I’m a man and he’s a man, and men fuck up and when they do, they seek the counsel of friends and when there are no friends and when our women are standing nearby waiting for an answer and it’d better be good, men approach other men, total strangers even, reeking of beer even, and seek counsel because men fuck up.
First thought: just be honest. You got caught flirting. What were you flirting for, stupid? What did you get caught for, stupid? Own it.
That thought passed. It wasn’t in my interest in this scenario to help this man be a better man. It wasn’t in my interest to counsel him towards a more successful marriage where flirting with a girl wouldn’t even enter his mind.
It was in my interest to cross the street to where this man wasn’t getting busted by his wife.
“Tell her it was a friend.” I hated myself while I was saying it, for setting him up to get walloped with a rolling pin.
“Yeah. Yeah… Tell her it was what?”
“A friend.”
“Yeah, tell her it was a friend. Thanks, buddy.”
“Sure.” And I crossed the street. Man, that guy is in deep shit.
