“We Got More” music by Eskmo, dir. Cyriak Harris for Ninja Tune
This is just great. If I had to, I’d say Terry Gilliam meets M.C. Escher meets Abbey Road. Makes me want to know After Effects.
Sam Firstenberg directs Shabba Doo and Lucinda Dickey on the set of Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo
You should know the name Sam Firstenberg because here are some highlights of his filmography, all properties of The Cannon Group:
- “Revenge of the Ninja” (1983)
- “Ninja III: The Domination” (1984)
- “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo” (1984)
- “American Ninja” (1985)
This image comes from a Firstenberg fansite with some firsthand stories such as the one about how Sam, a 22-year-old from Poland, approached Menahem Golan, a titan of Israeli cinema who would go on to purchase The Cannon Group, about working as an unpaid PA, and soon would work his way up through the ranks to make his first feature, a Western-style action flick about ninjas, which he knew nothing about:
Golan got involved as a producer and director of the first of a new breed of action movies. It was “Enter the Ninja” the first martial arts movie to introduce the Ninja phenomena to western viewers. The idea to make a western style Ninja movie was presented to Golan by Mike Stone, a prominent American karate champion and formerly Elvis Presley’s personal trainer.
So here I was, ready to tackle the challenge of my first big action flick. I was handed the script and introduced to Sho Kosugi, the tallest Japanese person I had ever met. Sho was the spirit behind the project, an accomplished martial arts fighter and Ninjitsu expert who had come a few years earlier to Los Angeles with Hollywood on his mind.
He was the Ninjitsu advisor and in this capacity he made sure that every known Ninja weapon and every Ninja fighting trick, method, custom, ceremony, and accessories, would be included in the script. It was exciting and I understood it was important to the success of the movie, but my first decision right away was not to follow in the steps of the Hong Kong flicks, but rather to approach the movie as a straight Hollywood action movie with a martial arts slant, and the Ninjitsu mysticism the icing on the cake.
And my favorite part, on casting the role of Cathy:
The actress cast to play the lead was not able to come from Los Angeles to Utah and we were forced to cast the part locally. Unfortunately the pool of actresses in Utah is considerably smaller than the choices in Los Angeles, and our top choice was a local model, Ashley Ferrare. I called Golan to inform him of our decision and to let him know that her acting abilities left a lot to be desired. “Never mind her acting,” he replied, “how is her body?” As a model she was clearly well built, although, as I told him, “Her breasts are clearly inflated with foreign substances.” All he wanted to know was whether she would be considered sexy on the screen, and when I said that I thought she probably would, he replied “Then she is hired.”
Please, PLEASE watch this short clip as evidence of Ashley Ferrare’s performance. And I quote:
Cho: Cathy, you help me so much. I really think I should pay you.
Cathy: No, really! I love doing things for you, Cho. Besides, my karate training is more than enough. I just want you to teach me the way.
Cho: Well, if you want to work out, you forgot your pants!
Nine Deaths of the Credit Sequence
Clearly, this was an attempt at some sort of a Bond-esque intro to the 1985 Shô Kosugi suckfest “Nine Deaths of the Ninja”, what with the sexy(?) leotard dancers Vaselined to within an inch of their lives, the budget fog machine, the best pop ballad $350 could buy, the delightful(?) interplay between weaponry and the female form (which, would it have killed them to rehearse first?).
Shô Kosugi was a hero to me as a kid. But had I seen this, my life might’ve gone in a completely other direction. And not into ninjutsu. Like it did. Because I practice the art of the stealth assassin. I’m a pirate. Now I’m a wizard. Now I’m a sexy leotard dancer.
Rejected Gladiator names
You probably already know that ‘American Gladiators’ has been revived from the Desert Storm and freshened up for a new war. You may even know that it’s proven against no insurmountable odds to be a huge success on the airing of its premiere episode. But what you probably don’t know is that I’ve decided to make a list of jokey names of Gladiators and that I’ve published said list below.
For some context, here is the current lineup of the Oily and Hormonally-Imbalanced Ones: Blast, Crush, Fury, Hammer, Hellga, Justice, Mayhem, Militia, Siren, Stealth, Titan, Toa, Venom and Wolf. For the role of each of the current Gladiators, several names were auditioned and ultimately discarded:
- Blast - Bang, Plastique, Zapp and Roger, Finger
- Crush - Manboobs, Geminuts, Waterboard
- Fury - Daterape, Rachmaninoff, Steroid
- Hammer - Wheezer, Keychain, Huge Black Hitler
- Hellga - She-Devil, Woman?, Jennifer
- Justice - Dog the Gladiator, Blackwater, Li’l Puppet
- Mayhem - Akimbo, Colosto, Buddy
- Militia - White Ninja, United States Marine Corps, Breadmachine
- Siren - Jazzhands, Shut Up!, Dangerboogie
- Stealth - OJ, Gaseous Clay, Handsy
- Titan - Tantrum, Tantra, Malibu Wildfires of 1993
- Toa - Toga, Taco, Toto
- Venom - Razorburn, Tincture, Dandy
- Wolf - Tom Wolfe, Virginia Woolf, Wolf Blitzer (deemed too ethnic)